my sex rules
or Sex: Expectations and Obligations
I and Jill from NakedAllTheTime.com are writing about our sex/dating entitlements/obligations. Sex is below, and you can find our Dating Rambling right here.
What are your sex rules?
I don’t expect anything from sex except misery.
I expect your mom to burst in the room while we’re making out and smack me off the property with her handbag.
I expect to fall down three stories of bruised foreplay while sneaking into your fourth-story dorm room from the outside.
I expect God to strike me with a bolt of thunder and guiltning because I’m killing all our unborn babies.
I expect you to fake your orgasm every time and then tell me about it eight months from now when I’m already at a low point of my life.
I expect you to only want me when you can’t have me.
I expect you to get a heart attack and double over with pain just as we’re warming up.
I expect you to turn over after you’ve finished and I haven’t and fall asleep contentedly while I stare at the ceiling.
I expect you to ask me to call your husband when we’re done and ask his permission while pretending I’m having an orgasm.
I expect you to ask me to be exclusive with you, when that’s one of the only things that I can never promise.
I expect you to pretend you’re afraid of cock and then find out that you later went and fucked practically everyone on campus.
I expect you to tell me that you just can’t because you’re in love with my best friend.
I expect you to marry my brother.
I expect you to not turn out to be a transvestite.
I expect you to come to me for sex only when you’re bored of whichever one of your current boyfriends.
I expect to be walked in on by your younger sister and my roommate.
I expect you to be a very lot of work and very little reward.
I expect you to be unattractively timid and keep yourself covered the entire time.
I expect you to stalk me for months afterward.
I expect you to thank me warmly but then let me know that reciprocity would be cheating on your fiancé.
I expect you to let me know brusquely, after I’m covered in your cum, that you’ve never found me attractive.
I expect you to disappear, forever.
I expect you to get back with your girlfriend and only see me on the sly.
I expect you to ask me not to tell anyone, swear you won’t tell a soul, and then tell everyone you know the second you get back home.
And when I’m finally settling into the most fun I’ve had with anyone in a while, I expect you to write me all about how it’s not me it’s you.
If it goes any better than that at all, you’re welcome to come back.
PS. I live by one simple sex rule: I will do everything in my power for as long as it takes to get you off. But if for some reason it doesn’t happen, I will not be personally offended.
I appreciate when extended the same courtesy.
I feel entitled to choose when and if I have sex. Even if I really, really want to fuck you, we’re still not having sex in the back of my car.
I feel entitled to safer sex. Swallowing is sexy, but it also poses a significant risk for STIs. Do not expect me to put myself at risk for your satisfaction.
I feel entitled to make choices about my body and the activities I participate in. I’m kinky and submissive, but that’s not enough information. I still get to have standards and preferences.
I feel entitled to a partner who cares about my experience. I don’t care how casual the sex is, I expect my partner to make some effort to create a good experience for both of us.
I am obligated to participate in safer sex. I expect safer sex but it doesn’t happen by itself. I need to make sure I’m consistent with my precautions, up to date on my tests, and that I communicate with my partners.
I am obligated to talk about what I enjoy and what my limits are. If I want something, I need to voice that. Good communication leads to great sex, and I am the person who knows what I like and what will turn me off. The best sex happens when I make myself clear to my partner.
I am obligated to be responsive. That communication I mentioned above is an ongoing thing. I have to continuously provide feedback so my partner has an idea of what I’m experiencing and whether I’m on my way to subspace or wishing he’d hit me just a little bit harder.
I am obligated to try new things (provided they do not cause harm to anyone or violate any of my limits) if they will enhance my partner’s experience. Think of it as being good, giving, and game. I need to make an effort to create a good experience for my partner, even if it involves stretching myself a bit.
I am obligated to be open-minded and create a safe, non-judgmental environment. This is about treating my partner with respect. I’ve never been fully compatible with anyone, but I need to be open-minded and respectful of our areas of divergence. Good sex can’t happen when one partner feels belittled. (Unless they have a humiliation kink, of course.)
Click here for My Dating Rules